I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
