I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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