She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize