I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
