get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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