I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
