she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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