Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize