Your mouth is God's brothel.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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