Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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