From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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