I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
