After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
