It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
