You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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