my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
