If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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