My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize
