OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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