On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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