so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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