when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
