dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
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Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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