I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
