I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
