Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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