Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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