You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
