why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
