Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
