Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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