Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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