Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
