then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been