Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
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he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
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Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.