he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
