why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer