I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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