Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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