i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
