She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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