just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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