If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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