drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
