do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
