Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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