I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
