Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
