This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
