Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
