Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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