All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
