I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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