apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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