mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
