So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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