Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
