Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize