The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
