I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
