big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
