I just pynch a tree in the face
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
MIDGETS
????
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
