Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
