this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
