I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
