Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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